A dark presence looming in the air. Night falls, somethings creeping up the stairs. Blood starts to trickle down these walls, Mr.Blobby haunts these halls! Noel Edmonds tucked up tight inside his bed. Convinced the voices are inside his head. A figure from his past, returned for him. Out from the black he sees a toothy grin. Noel sits upright in bed and shakes in fear. His fate is sealed, he knows the end is near. Windows open and curtains wildly flail. He screams out to no avail. “You gave me life. They all loved me. 7 long years. You abandoned me! “ A dark presence looming in the air. Night falls, somethings creeping up the stairs. Blood starts to trickle down these walls, Mr.Blobby haunts these halls! Nightmarish hell awakens. He’s been so long forsaken. Building starts crumbling down. He’s here to claim his golden crown. A portal to damnation spawns evil congregation. He’s pink with yellow spots, Noel’s time is up, he’s soon to rot in hell… “You gave me life. Their love was real. I am death. Deal or no deal?” A dark presence looming in the air. Night falls, somethings creeping up the stairs. Blood starts to trickle down these walls, Mr.Blobby haunts these halls!

You’re that famous actor, you starred in Doctor Strange. It’s burning in my brain but I can’t quite recall your name: Benedict Cumbersnatch? Benjamin Candlewax? Benadryl Cucumberman? Buttercup Custardbath? I loved you in Sherlock. I loved you in Star Trek. I loved you in Heartbeat. I loved it all. Lord won’t you please give me a sign. Your face, it rings a bell but your name escapes my mind. Oh Lord, won’t you please give me a sign. Your face, it rings a bell but your name escapes my mind. Benedict Stanglewank? I don’t want to sound lame but I’m your biggest fan although I can’t pronounce your name.

The urges grow, desire for carnage. This hatred flows, being driven by demons. Relentless contempt, my thirst for the red has me hell bent. I am sick in the head, down this path of madness I’ve been led. The time is now to finally sate my murderous appetite. On this pitch-black night, screams fill the air as you meet your demise. Frenzied homicide, acting on instinct – the killer inside. These wildest desires have come to fruition, I’m finally alive. Knife perforates, flesh pierced. A rabid state, frantic hacking and slashing. The sight of your blood evoking my inner carnal lust. The foul stench of your guts, blade held to your throat – directors cut. Final moments come, as the lights start to leave your eyes. You read the words on the screen as it all fades to black: “Are you still watching?” As silence falls I gaze over your lifeless cadaver. Barbaric display, revel in the gore, these abhorrent atrocities. Frenzied homicide, acting on instinct – the killer inside. These wildest desires have come to fruition, I’m finally alive.

Out on the moors under cover of night. I’ve travelled through dark and avoided daylight. An old weathered tavern, I have finally arrived. A vampiric horde is residing inside. Under the moonlight. An evening filled with deadly delights. Under the moonlight. Aeons old curse, I can no longer hide. Under the moonlight. I’ve travelled for miles to find more of my kind. Under the moonlight. Shrouded figures turn and stare from the bar, As I walk towards them the crowd starts to part. The barman arrives, I look in his eyes: “Two pints of virgin’s blood and a packet of crisps” Fill up my cup, fill it with blood. Fill up my cup and fill it with blood. The red hits my lips as I take my first sip. Without hesitation I continue to drink. Pint after pint I repeatedly sink. Feeling elated – Scratch that bloodthirsty itch. Euphoric state – this is my fate To dwell in shadows with reprobates. We bare the gift to never die. Forever we shall rule the blackened skies. I’ve found my place, acquired the taste. I shall now feast upon the human race. Flesh is pale, and soul is black. Fangs out on show and primed to attack the throat… Majestic, it flows. Oozing from the holes. Teeth piercing the skin, taste beauty within. Puncturing the vein. This sick crimson spray, It Covers my face – Not one drop shall waste. Not one drop shall waste. Not one drop shall waste

All hail the tanned lord! The process of indoctrination is nearly complete. The feeble and weak will fall to their knees, meek minds filled with teachings; the great leader speaks. As the candles are carefully lit, The chanting soon begins: “Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips!” Take this sacred blade and carve deep in your flesh. You’re now inducted into the cult of David Dickinson. We’ll spark the fire, dance round the pyre. Confess your sins, as we tan your skin. We’ll spark the fire, dance round the pyre. Embers burn bright for our golden lord. Antique shops are the domain in which we roam. All bargains we’ll hunt, practically a steal. Our hearts true desire; the realest of deals. As the candles are carefully lit, The chanting soon begins: “Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips! Cheap as chips!” Take this sacred blade and carve deep in your flesh. You forever belong to the cult of David Dickinson. The cult of David Dickinson. That is a real bobby dazzler! That is a real bobby dazzler! That is a real bobby dazzler! That is a real bobby dazzler!

A night filled with incantations, demonic devastation. Dusk falls upon these woods, this evening will end drenched in blood. This cabin’s isolated, trees nearby are animated. The bridge collapses down; “we’ll never make it back to town!” Discover cursed book. Peek inside, take a look. Horrors start to unfold. A gripping fear takes hold. Thick Fog now fills the air. Beloved TV pair, Together must prepare to fight the evil dead. Awoke from ancient slumber, this demon will outnumber. Cat Deeleys now possessed, plunge that dagger through her chest. To live you must remember, bodies must always be dismembered. Cut, carve, limb from limb. gore-soaked walls, it’s rather grim. This hell will never end, Madness starts to descend. (Dermot) O’Leary tried to flee, and got raped by a tree. The chainsaw in the shed, Close friends they will be-head. Fire up the blade, Witness the grotesque display. Groovy! Let’s get ready to rumble! Utter those sacred words, This curse it will reverse. A vortex back in time, Will split across the sky. Sent back from where it came, They’ll never be the same. Nightfall they’ll always dread. Fear the evil dead!

I loved you, nan. You’ve always been there, always did care, lovely white hair. Dwelling on memories of weekends spent inside your bungalow. Relentless knitting; Thanks for the scarf, thanks for the hat, I look a twat. Werthers Originals; The taste on my tongue, orgasmic caramel. I can’t believe that you’re gone, a woman in my life so dear to me. And though I am stricken with grief, I live life for metal – a devotee. Urges that grow from within, a bizarre reaction to misery. Something that’s so unforeseen, silence is filled with a bellowing scream. The funeral starts. All dressed in black, no looking back, dreadful soundtrack. Who picked this music? Where’s Hell Awaits? And where is Reign in Blood? Realization; Everyone here, closest and dear, too scared to hear, The sound of Slayer; filling their ears with wonderful thrash. I can’t believe that you’re gone, a woman in my life so dear to me. And though I am stricken with grief, I live life for metal – a devotee. Urges that grow from within, a bizarre reaction to misery. Something that’s so unforeseen, silence is filled with a bellowing scream. As the coffin lowers in the ground, An overwhelming yearning so profound. Deep from my being, a monstrous sound. Scream that one word, it’s so renowned. SLAYER! I can’t believe that you’re gone, a woman in my life so dear to me. And though I am stricken with grief, I live life for metal – a devotee. Urges that grow from within, a bizarre reaction to misery. Something that’s so unforeseen, silence is filled with a scream.

Well, tonight’s the fucking night. We won’t go down without a fight. Up drinking ‘til the morning light. And you know me all too well, you know I’m going straight to hell. The chaos always reigns with the devil’s blood coursing through my veins Wouldst thou like to live deliciously? Wouldst thou like the taste of liquor? It’s time to hit the town, every bar we meet will burn to the ground. Blasphemous flag held high, burning our mark bright in the nights sky. Sigel of Baphomet, we’ll paint it red, they’ll never forget. Sacrificial Goat in tow; barred from the club, the bouncer said “no”. I just came out for a quiet one. No more debauchery. One more pint then I’m going home, can’t take much more. I just came out for a quiet one. No more tomfoolery. One more pint then I’m going home, can’t take much more. Last orders have been called. I’m karaoke king, my crowd is enthralled. The barman has lost control in this lawless land where heathens do roam. In our hearts there is no fear, not when Lucifer’s got his tongue in our ear. Madness has taken hold, we will rest when we’re all dead and cold. I just came out for a quiet one. No more debauchery. One more pint then I’m going home, can’t take much more. I just came out for a quiet one. No more tomfoolery. One more pint then I’m going home… ah what the hell, just one more drink. Just one more drink. I’ve been possessed, I’ve been possessed by the party demon. I’ve lost myself in this alcohol infused miasma. I’ve been possessed, I’ve been possessed by the party demon. I’ve lost myself in this alcohol infused miasma. Getting drunk with Satan.

Philip Schofield that lovely host on TV. Wearing his mask of skin, fatal insanity. His guests on ‘This Morning’ are all Gagged, bound, and tied He is laughing manically, Holly Willoughby by his side. Who will survive and what will be left of them? Who will survive and what will be left of them?

Under the frozen moon we dance frivolously through the garden of death. Raise our glass to the night, may our fires burn bright. Lanterns tearing through the midnight fog. We are chaos incarnate. Our message is clear - In Christian hearts we’ll strike fear. Unholy fiends draped in black. We’re devout rulers of the darkness and we’re primed for attack. May we break the shackles of their mindless oppression. May we violently reject their putrid ideology. This place of worship will be reduced to ash. We will open the mouth of hell, its teeth incessantly gnash. We will unfurl a demonic gospel, crushing those in our way. Centuries of force-fed lies, we will make them pay! Under the frozen moon we’ll leave our mark. A night which they’ll never forget, it all starts with a spark. Oh Lucifer, won’t you be my guide? As you point towards the left-hand path, you’ll be by my side. Oh Lucifer, take my hand. Share with me your infinite wisdom and on this mortal plane I shall command. The fire will act as a beacon of hatred. These flames are for Satan, these flames are for freedom. As the tower starts to burn, the night takes a drastic turn. Instead of hatred in our hearts, we’re filled with joy – the dancing starts. We laugh, we love, we live. The flames grow higher as we start to strip. Frolicking around the graves, we’re carefree – no thoughts on our past mistakes. Naked bodies intertwine, take a sip of this delicious wine. Perhaps my life has been a lie? And I’ve wasted so much precious time. It doesn’t have to be all grim - Not filled with death, and drek, and hell, and sin. In this moment to my surprise, I’ve finally realized… I’m gay for Satan! We’re all gay for Satan!

Mr. Grind will see you now. Brutal Truth, Nasum, Misery Index. Enter the playroom, engage aural sex. Signing the contract, the pact is sealed. Submit to grind, all will be revealed. Carcass, Repulsion, and Napalm Death. Their records start playing, you become short of breath. Whips, chains, and tassels – tools of the trade. Feelings of purity, starting to fade. I don’t make love I grind hard. I don’t make love I grind hard. Nipple Clamps attached and blind fold applied. Wormrot is playing, legs spread open wide. Covered in latex, hoisted by chains. Blast Beats providing pleasure through pain. Spanking begins, you’re in far too deep, Rotten Sound’s music now on repeat. Starting to climax, ready to come. Safe word in this sex dungeon is “Scum”. I don’t make love I grind hard. I don’t make love I grind hard. Mr.Grind will see you now. Mr.Grind will grind you down. Mr.Grind will see you now. Mr.Grind will grind you down.

Wow.

Blood starts to gush out from the gaping wound. The smell, it overwhelms this darkened room. Blade relentlessly piercing through the skin. Split open wide, scoop out the innards from within. Carve into flesh, cut down straight through to bone. Hidden deep down here in this catacomb. A dish of sickness all prepared by hand. Barbaric banquet, a feast fit for the damned. Kitchen nightmares come to life. Cannibal instinct, worship the knife. Ill-tempered chef well known across this land. Curse words are spat amongst his vile commands. Sanity hangs by the loosest of thread. Jars filled with organs in his pantry of the dead. Chef whites covered in victim’s vile entrails. A putrid pie sprinkled with fingernails. A grotesque lust to consume all human meat. Cajun spiced phallus, what a delightful treat! Kitchen nightmares come to life. Cannibal instinct, worship the knife. Come and dine with me. A scrumptious platter from a warped recipe. Come and dine with me. Tastes so divine yet prepared dreadfully. Come and dine with me. Fresh cuts of limbs are delicately grilled. Come and dine with me. A twisted appetite is finally fulfilled.

Victoria hosts a dinner party. The guests are in the foyer. The Hollywood elite begin to meet and greet. David walks down the stairs. The crowd could not prepare. A man they once adored urinating on the floor. On this evening so wicked, a wretched demon awakens from slumber. Communications with deadly deceased. A spirit so evil, on souls it does feast. Ghastly inhabitant from the cold dead in-between. Should not have tampered with that board, an ancient demon has been spawned. Should not have tampered with that board, requires cleansing from the lord… The priest is in his bedroom. Possession has been assumed. He needs to be made right on this deathly winter’s night. Years of sports acclaim. Endless praise and fame. His mortal shell’s been claimed. It lives inside him! Bed barely shakes and a slight dimming of the lights. David sits upright, you’d expect a chilling fright. His head doesn’t spin. No sign of vomit or even spit. Just sits there vacantly; this haunting is really shit. On this evening so mild, an underwhelming demon awakens from slumber. Communications with the dullard deceased. A spirit so tepid, on souls it tries to feast. Average inhabitant from the cold dead in-between. A lack of levitation. No body scarification. No crucifix masturbation. Very little devastation. No slamming of the doors. No vomit covered walls. Just a footballer with nice hair, who can’t stop pissing everywhere. “In the Name and by the power of Our Lord Jesus Christ, may you be snatched away and driven from the Church of God. Begone, Satan, inventor and master of all deceit, enemy of man's salvation. David, Bend the demons will… Bend its will, Beckham!” On this evening so boring, a proper wank demon awakens from slumber. Communications with the tiresome deceased. A spirit so awful, I’m more scared of the priest. Dreadful inhabitant from the cold dead in-between.

Pockets crammed, filled with AUX chords. A Metal God stealing from the shop floor. Electric eye is spying on car batteries. Down his pants he’s stuffed a can of antifreeze. Nicking bike supplies. A Kleptomaniac in disguise. Halfords the only store, where Rob does love to break the law… He’s Hellbent, Hellbent for leather wipes. In a bag he’s got 10 foot of spill off pipe. Caught red handed and he’s set off running. If you think he’ll stop you’ve got another thing coming.

I’m offended by everything.

From parts unknown. Emerging from darkness with hatred they grow. Lurking in forums, their contempt on show. They hide behind screens, they’re the lowest of the low. And they know yet still they do not care. Inflicting their small-minded musings across of the web. Repugnant reprobates. They ejaculate bile on the internet’s face. Primed for war, they never will fall. Impenetrable fortress protecting the horde. They strike down their foes, the filthy unblessed. A sigil of apathy emblazons their chest. Ascending through the ranks. They masquerade oh so fiendishly. Competing to be most despised. The ultimate keyboard warrior shall arise. From parts unknown. A façade has been crafted, one harder than stone. This solider stands tall. His words used as weapons, cruel comments perfected for one fatal blow. But first kill them slow. His pleasure is in pain, tormenting his victims, a sick twisted game. “This band fucking sucks!” “That line-up is weak!” “That’s not real metal” shrieked the internet geek. No time for sleep, through pages he scrawls. He wields mouse and keyboard, awaiting the call. Trained in deadly arts, emotionless face. The top of the comments forever his place. Ascending through the ranks. They masquerade oh so fiendishly. Competing to be most despised. The ultimate keyboard warrior shall arise. Weathered and worn, a subject of scorn. King of this here battlefield, from war he was born. Air heavy with smoke, his enemies choke. His deep cutting words slicing open their throats. Belligerent he roams, on the hunt for new foes. Yet nothing is left even scraps for the crows. Obliteration! They crush mortal bones. And all of this mayhem can be done from his phone. Ascending through the ranks. They masquerade oh so fiendishly. Competing to be most despised. The ultimate keyboard warrior shall arise. Ruler online. He will never die.

The year was ’93. Scientists in a lab working tirelessly. Mutating human cells. Sealing mankind’s fate, bid this race farewell! An abomination grows. The magnitude of destruction was then unknown. A deadly virus outbreaks. They tried to play God, a grave mistake. 28 days gone by. The death toll starts to rise. Streets are now stained with human remains. Civilisation has been laid to waste. Carol Vorderman, Quarantined on the set of Countdown. Stocked with water and supplies. Pounding at the doors, hear their panicked cries. “Help is on the way”. She repeats to the others every day. “Only one thing left to do, play Countdown and wait for this to all blow over.” 28 months gone by. Carol is the only one alive. Insane, still placing letters on a board. The world outside now an undead horde. She’s lost her mind. Then she ate her friends. The world she knew met a grizzly end. She’s lost her mind. She ate her friends. The world she knew met a grizzly end. She’s lost her mind. She ate her friends. Countdown games she now depends. A world ending conundrum. Let’s Countdown to extinction. A world ending conundrum. Let’s Countdown to extinction.

A rural farm house in the countryside. The box under mothers’ bed, somethings lurking inside. Will we make it through the night? The cellars where we hide. Together we must fight, these sex toys are alive! Rubber Phalluses slither on the floor. They’re searching for an orifice. Quick, lock the door! Penetration is their goal, they’re looking for a hole. Outnumbered by the swarm, they’re going to make you cum! Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos Dildos

Ominous figure ascending high. Towering over this land, puny mortals will be crushed on command. Obscene power shall corrupt their lives. Oppressing these weak mindless drones. Forever they’ll be enslaved by their own phones. Portal opens, terror reigns. Endless shrieking heard throughout this plain. Pitch black spires, rising up high. Your soul sold and in this place you shall die. Here in this world he is crowned nightmare king. On a throne of your data, he sits. Ruling this realm with a digital fist. A dark swirling vortex devours the sky. Rotten crows peck at your head. Hallucinations; melted faces in a book of the dead. The floor below crumbles beneath your feet. Narcissism is corrupting your mind, reality blurring – you’re becoming blind. Re-awaken, hospital bed. Figures from your past looming over your head. Strapped in place, restraints are so tight. Your life signed away for this miserable plight. Here in this world he is crowned nightmare king. On a throne of your data, he sits. Ruling this realm with a digital fist. His mind is consumed by complete lunacy. Heinous laughter filling the air. His madness unending, no one could prepare… No one will be spared. The worst thing about this nightmare is the fact that you’re not even dreaming. The worst thing about this nightmare is the fact that you’re not even dreaming. Here in this world he is crowned nightmare king. On a throne of your data, he sits. Ruling this realm with a digital fist. Your friends, new and old. Your acquaintances and your foes. All connected in one dreadful place. Eternal damnation; all of time to waste. All of time to waste.

All Hallows Eve is finally here. Each year young lovers disappear. They vanish on this night. Found the next day– An abysmal sight. The 31st they’re chosen. In history they’re frozen. Names added to a lengthy list of those who’ve felt Richard’s deadly kiss. The chill of autumn stirs. Mind bending horror will occur. Dusk falls across this land. Psychotic couple hand in hand. Macabre, dancing the streets. Hunting for the freshest of meat. Victims soon to suckle Judy’s teat, Not sure if that’s a Trick or treat? Abhorrent are these crimes. A Lust for carnage, so divine. Atrocious are these plans. Transcending boundaries known to man. Their death a claim to fame. Sick pawns in a demented game. Prowl under guise of Halloween. No one will hear their panicked screams. Their carcasses will look so beautiful. Across the floor, their innards splayed so lovely. Inspected ever so delicately. They’re to be sodomised by Richard and Judy. This parties getting started. Sanity has departed. Judy is dancing nakedly whilst Richard wanks off frantically. The “guests” are gagged and tied. Their skin’s gone pale, they’re terrified. “Judy, fetch that carving knife” From duct taped mouths hear muffled cries. The blood does slowly ooze. Richard’s erection again protrudes. Slicing off this poor girl’s pretty face, No facial tissue left to waste. Wearing skin as a mask. In chaos this couple love to bask. Through the young man’s head Judy will bore with drill in hand, horny for gore. Bodies so morbidly defiled. So foolishly beguiled. A book club in disguise. Carefully gauging out their eyes. Placed in formaldehyde, View those pearly blues with pride. This ghastly fetish lives. Sins are far too dreadful to forgive. Remorseless, gleefully taking life. Mutilated, beyond recognition. Dismember, the bruising limbs. So crudely carved, A jack-o-lantern torso. The once flourishing bodies now cold and blue. A life so full of promise, cut short and far too soon. A brutal end was met for this unsuspecting pair. Richards manic cackle can be heard throughout the air. Bodies dumped out on the moors. By the road found by local farmers. No traces left, culprits never found. The tabloids brand it: “Sick and twisted” “Truly monstrous” “Disgusting” “Vulgar” “Vile” “Evil” Word of these acts will spread throughout the land. Plaguing nightmares for years to come. Lock your doors and forever live in fear. The freezing English rain hammers down upon the coffins. As they’re lowered in the ground tears stream down the faces of loved ones. From the distance a silhouette of a couple can be seen under a withered yew tree. They know what lies within, underneath the casket’s lids. Smirking with arrogance, no remorse. A calculated slaughter sating their lust for murder. For now their work is done. Next Halloween they’ll hunt again. Halloween they’ll hunt again, the bloodshed will never end. The bloodshed, it will never end. The bloodshed will never end.